the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize