So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
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