i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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