im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Randomize
