How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
These tits shall not be calmed
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Randomize