Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
