she looked like the before picture.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Randomize
