Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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