I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I think your dad took our porno
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
