i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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