why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
