I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Randomize
