i just identified you from a description of your pipe
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
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