I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Randomize
