I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I'm getting married
To pizza
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Randomize
