Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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