Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
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