one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Gay?
German.
Pity.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
