My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
