can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize