i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
