omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
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