either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
