Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
