I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
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