i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
