okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
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