i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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