I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
