Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Randomize
