god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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