oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I think I just sharted jello shots
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
