I'm laying in your front yard are you home
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
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