its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
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