oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
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