yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
