yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Randomize
