I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
