I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
