My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Sorry my hands just texted you
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Randomize
