Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
I look better un-naked...
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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