is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Randomize
