i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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