What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
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