1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Randomize
