I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Randomize
