Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
