if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
