so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Randomize
