Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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