Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
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