Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
