i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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