Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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