I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Randomize
