This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Randomize
