What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
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