On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
