I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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