He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
You can't special order awesome
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Randomize
