So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
