You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
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