Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Randomize
