I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Randomize
