you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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