the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Randomize
