I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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