I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
